The Other Voice in My Head…one of them

So there I was standing buck naked and all eight of them were staring up at me. Those eight pounds, clearly displayed in the digital read out, the ones I’ve said hello and goodbye to countless times. How did this happen? I’ve been going to the gym everyday. Well, okay…every other day. I haven’t been buying bread for the larder but when its offered in a restaurant…say, Sardi’s sourdough raisin or an oven fresh baguette, I mean really. Then there’s the butter… Who is this hungry person (AKA voice in my head that I’ll name Boca) who seduces me into consuming those deadly carbs especially from about 8pm on?

Boca is cagey. She presents as “me”, as benign and as the one who will make me happy if only I cave to her will. Lately I’ve been challenging Boca, separating her from the better voices in my head. Go with me here…
Me: What do you want, really want Boca?
Boca: Carbs.
Me: Yes but what’s driving that desire in you?”

The ready answer in the crie de coeur that came forth in Boca’s answer today was astonishing.
Boca: Life! A great moment at the opera, a stunning metaphor in a painting, good sex, a project that satisfies a deeper sense of meaning than just temporal whims, new horizons.

Okay…so if I don’t satisfy Boca with the cookie within reach I’ll have to put in the labor and risk, stress on risk, in seeking out one of those other glorious joys she actually craves.

With Boca temporarily silenced, possibilities awaken. I remember that food as anything more than basic fuel, is a luxury too many are denied. I could write a check for a quarter of my current food budget and send it to any number organizations that help feed the starving populations in our world. I could refocus the time wasted consuming and read an article, take a walk, write a blog. I could dig deep and work toward creating something, anything of beauty. So, off I go.

I won this round with Boca but I know she’ll be back…probably with better seduction tools but I’m onto her now. Hopefully when she resurfaces I’ll be bolstered by having fortified my better voices through action and those naughty eight will one by one take their place once again in the ether. For good.

Blue Pearl

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